The Pause: Empowerment, Support, & Self-exploration

Matrescence Tales

Matrescence Tales

Written by MM

Family photos at 9 months was the perfect age- so smiley and happy for all!

When was your baby born?

March 2024

Where was your baby born?

Forth Valley Royal Hospital, Larbert, Scotland

Can you share your birth story?

We took our newborn to a fiddle festival and a beautiful walk at 6 weeks, she slept right through and was a dream!

I had two things on my birth plan… a healthy baby/mom and an epidural. I’m very grateful to say I got the first! And perhaps a bit less excited about the unplanned unmedicated birth experience I had - although, ultimately, I do feel empowered by it. To roll it back, I had a not entirely pleasant pregnancy. I had pretty severe nausea and vomiting until 22 weeks, then a few kidney infections on top for fun. Basically, I didn’t enjoy being pregnant which is part of why I scheduled an induction at 40 weeks. I wanted done with the experience and I thought I’d end up with one anyway given my family has a tendency to go 42+ weeks. Our lovely medical team suggested we pack for a few days, saying first time mom inductions can take up to 72 hours. We showed up, had a cervical check and placement of the pessary. I lasted about 4 hours before needing it removed due to very strong and prolonged contractions. I was told it didn’t work, to go to bed, and we’ll reconvene in the morning about plan B. (I wanted a section, labor was NOT for me I decided!) I woke up about 2 hours later with lots of contractions but after an exam was told still no, my cervix was too high to even feel and therefore I was almost certainly not dilated. My hospital had a policy of no epidural until >4cm. In all honesty, it was very sore and I remember begging for pain relief. We tried the TENS machine, essential oils, and hyponobirthing techniques. Rather hilariously, my midwife hated the smell of the lavender essential oils so much she changed all the sheets in the room to get rid of “the stink” (It was strong). My water broke and after admittedly a lot of screaming (turns out I deal with contractions loudly!) I was told I was FINALLY good to go! I was 4 cm! And then baby was out 15 minutes later … no epidural for me after all. I was told later that I probably was much further along but with such a high cervix it was difficult to assess. Thank you gas and air, but no thank you to an unmedicated birth in the future for me. Blessedly as soon as she was out, I instantly felt amazing and postpartum recovery was very easy for me. All in all, I’m glad to have experienced it all and grateful everyone came out healthy and happy. My husband still says it was the most chaotic 10 hours of his life.

What do you wish you had known going into the birth? What are you proud of?

Honestly, there’s not much I wish I had known. I felt reasonably well prepared but I was excited to experience it my own way. I talked to friends and read some birth stories beforehand which was helpful. It may sound silly, but I’m proud I made it through my (unwanted) unmedicated birth. I never thought I would be resilient enough to get through it, and if I had an option at the time I definitely would have done it with a LOT more pain relief. But I got through, and now I can say I’ve done something really difficult that I didn’t think I would be able to.

What did the first few days/weeks look like? Emotionally/mentally/physically. Any tips you could share?

I’ve taken her to 6 states and 3 countries in the first year postpartum, mostly solo to visit friends/family while my husband was working. Traveling while they’re small is actually pretty easy!

I had a lot of support: my husband took two weeks off, then my Mom joined until 7 weeks postpartum when I felt like I finally had my own rhythm. I exclusively breastfed so I did all the night-time feedings while my husband did the diapers etc. What worked really well is my husband/Mom taking the baby for the first 2-3 hours of the day so I could get some sleep: it made all the difference on my mood. If I found myself in the middle of a baby blues moment.. think crying for absolutely no reason… usually a nap solved everything for me, personally. I understand I am so lucky to have so much support - if you can get access then totally take all the help you can get so you can show up as your best you.

How have you found the transition to motherhood? What has been the hardest part?

I am grateful to have gotten 14 months of maternity leave with my baby, so in a way I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. I am American so I never expected to have more than 6-8 weeks. Moving to Scotland with my husband afforded me the ability to take so much time. However, sometimes I do find myself resenting my loss of identity as an individual person. My husband and I both share the same career, so it’s interesting to watch him continue along and never miss a beat, whilst I sometimes feel left behind. The baby part of motherhood is amazing; sometimes I just miss myself before.

Doing things in the sun made me feel so much more like a person in the early postpartum months.

What is one thing you wish you had known going into postpartum? Any other tips/advice for our moms?

I didn’t think I needed mom friends. I’m the first of all of my friends to have a baby and I was reluctant to branch out. Making new friends as an adult is hard! But I found myself very lonely even in pregnancy without people to speak to who understood. I joined a mom group with all moms within 8 weeks of my due date and it was AMAZING. We usually met up 2+ times a week once the fresh postpartum period settled and I am forever grateful for those friendships. People who just get what you’re going through because they’re also going through it, are invaluable.

How do you feel like your identity has shifted? What strategies have helped re-connect with yourself?

Learning a new sport/hobby was on my postpartum goal list! Doing things by myself and for myself has helped me feel like an individual again and getting back into fitness was great for my mental health

As someone who takes a lot of identity out of my career, it’s been really interesting to put that on pause. It’s probably been good for me to find new parts of my identity in motherhood. That’s all to say, I love being a mom 22 hours of the day but I’ve realized I need 1-2 hours of just me time and I’m very fortunate to have support in the form of childcare for those few hours (thanks Mom!). I’ve gotten into daily exercise again and began studying for some important work exams. It might not sound fun, but actually it gives me back my sense of self! I also have made a few friends and signed up for beginners tennis lessons, a lifetime goal of mine to learn.

What are you proud of so far in your motherhood journey?

I’m actually very proud of who I am as a mother thus far: I think it’s brought out some of the most loving parts of myself, and personally, I think I’m doing a good job. My baby and I have an amazing bond like no other.

❤️